he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
