Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
