Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
zippers are such a cool invention
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
