You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize