His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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