is wine microwaveable?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize