you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
