I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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