Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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