rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize