did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
