I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
