just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
