you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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