11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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