shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love you. Go after that dick
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize