Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
