I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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