Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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