Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
