so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
