Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
