i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
