my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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