Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
