too bad you live with your parents still
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
