I just cut my nipple shaving
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
