who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
