I should be sponsored by Trojan
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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