So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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