It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize