Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
