Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
