he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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