last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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