My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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