You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
