if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
