Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
