Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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