he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
