all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize