this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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