I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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