Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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