38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
