i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
