How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
