like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
