I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize