I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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