Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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