my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
