Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize