Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's even glitter on my cock...
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