Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
