The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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