Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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