ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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