After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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