I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
