day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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