It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize