you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
