My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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