My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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