chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
