I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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