I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
