But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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