if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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