i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
