i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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