Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
